


Let’s Reinvent Our Love

by IlaikHeda



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Happy Ending, M/M, Post split, some minor angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 17:05:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19468339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IlaikHeda/pseuds/IlaikHeda
Summary: When Brendon gets a phone call from an unexpected person he is immediately drawn towards them. Will Brendon fall for an old friend, or will he push him away for good?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer...I love Sarah and Brendon together. This fic is not meant to hurt their relationship or reputation. 
> 
> I also don’t know how to write smut so I apologise...

Brendon’s phone rings. Sarah looks up from her breakfast. He answers his phone, not knowing who would be on the other end.

“Brendon?” A familiar voice asks. Brendon takes the phone away from his ear.

“It’s a business call,” Brendon says to Sarah, walking away to his small studio in his backyard. He recently bought a bigger one in downtown LA. “What the hell do you want?” Brendon hisses into the phone once he’s inside the soundproof building.

“I’m on a plane to LA. I got your wedding invite,” the voice explains. How the hell did he know about the wedding? It’s a dumb question to ask himself. Brendon sent an invite but prayed it would go to a wrong address.

“How do you know about that?”

“Spencer told me,” the voice says. Of course Spencer would tell him. Brendon told him too. He didn’t think Spencer would actually follow through. He also knows the real reason why Spencer told him. It was almost like a last try.

“Of course he did.”

“It’s not like I asked him about it.”

“Why are you coming?”

“I don’t know. But could you pick me up from the airport? I’m landing soon.”

“Yeah. I’ll be there,” Brendon answers. He hangs up. Ryan Ross is on a plane to come to his wedding. He can’t tell Sarah, but he wants to see Ryan. He walks back to his house.

“So?” Sarah asks. She wants to know what the call was about.

“One of my sponsors wants to stop by later. I have to run by the studio to grab my acoustic guitar,” Brendon lies smoothly. He grabs his keys and walks out the door. He should feel bad for lying to Sarah, but he doesn’t. He drives to the airport in silence. As much as he wants to see Ryan, he’s dreading it too. They haven’t seen each other in years. His phone rings again.

“Yes?” Brendon asks.

“I just landed. Where’s your car at?”

“I have a black sports car. Actually just look for me. I’ll be by the doors,” Brendon says climbing out of his car. People pay him no attention which is unusual. Maybe he’s trying hard enough to stay on the low. He walks into the door and waits by them. He keeps his head down, minimalizing the chances of someone seeing him. He senses someone walk up to him.

“Brendon?” Ryan asks. He’s standing close to Brendon. He lifts his head, looking at the man he hasn’t seen in years. Ryan’s changed. He looks older, more mature.

“My cars out here,” Brendon says. He walks out the doors. Climbing into his still running car, he waits for Ryan to throw his bags in the trunk. He sits in the passenger seat.

“Brendon, do you remember Cape Town?” Ryan asks. He knows his question has a double meaning. He expects Brendon to answer about the concert, not after. Ryan’s got some nerve to ask about Cape Town. Brendon could easily tell him to never talk to him again. It’s a stupid question to ask after almost ten years.

“Of course I do. I wish I could forget it. Since that night didn’t seem to mean anything to you. It hurts to remember,” Brendon says. He keeps his eyes on the road, his hands tightening on the steering wheel. This was not how he expected Brendon to feel. His song called Cape Town was an echo from that night, but he tried to convince himself by singing those lyrics that what happened in Cape Town wasn’t real. He was leaving, and it only made it harder after that night.

“I wrote Cape Town to try to convince myself that what happened wasn’t real,” Ryan admits with a small voice. This time Brendon glances at him. “And when I heard The Calendar...I knew what that night meant to you. To us. I knew I messed up.”

“Ryan-“

“Wait. I know...god...I know how we both felt when we walked into your room. We-I thought we could make it work, but the next morning I was scared. I was so fucking scared of how people would react,” Ryan admits. Spencer and Jon knew right away, and it scared him. He doesn’t know why. He can feel tears burning the back of his eyes, but he can’t cry. Not now.

“You left because you were scared. You started your own fucking band because you were scared? You left me because you were scared?! Fuck Ryan! What the hell happened to talking about this! We could have-fuck, we could have talked, I could have gone with you...” Brendon shouts, but by the time he says the last bit, his voice is breaking. A tear rolls down his left cheek. Ryan doesn’t know what to do. He looks down at his hands in his lap. He fucked up big time.

“I didn’t want to,” Ryan whispers. Brendon looks at him again. No anger is in his eyes, only pain. Pain that Ryan caused.

“But you did.”

“I did. I don’t know why I came back. This was a bad idea. Just take me back to the airport,” Ryan mumbles.

“Why come back now? I’m getting married,” Brendon asks, ignoring Ryan’s plea. Brendon knows why he came. Spencer sent him the damn wedding invitation. Whether or not Spencer expected Ryan to come is a different thing. Brendon also knows that he sent Ryan the invite too.

“This was my last shot. It was a hopeless shot, but it was the last one.”

“It’s not hopeless,” Brendon whispers so quietly Ryan isn’t sure he even said anything. He’s been fighting his feelings for so long, being rejected now wouldn’t help at all.

“You’re enga-“

“I know.”

“You’re just going to leave her?” Ryan asks. Brendon frowns slightly.

“No, it’s kinda complicated. She hates you Ryan. Hell, I told her I was going to my studio. She’ll kill both of us if i leave her,” Brendon explains. He knows it’ll hurt Ryan, but it’s the truth. It’s the sad truth.

“Why does she hate me?”

“She found my song notebook,” Brendon says simply. Whatever was in that notebook gave Sarah an answer to Brendon’s past with Ryan.

“What exactly was in the notebook?” Ryan asks hesitantly.

“Songs about what we used to be. I explained the lyrics. I never thought she’d find them,” Brendon says in a small voice. Ryan can tell something else is going on. He gets a sick feeling. What if Sarah hurt him? But there’s no way, is there?

“Why would she care so much?” It’s a small question, but Brendon flinches slightly.

“She doesn’t like the LGBTQ+ community,” Brendon whispers. It’s like he’s afraid to admit it. Ryan looks up at him. The younger boys jaw is clenched, his shoulders tense. A few years ago Brendon announced that he was pan at one of his concerts. Since then, he’s been embracing his sexuality. If Sarah has been hurting him for being himself...

“What did she do to you?” Ryan asks. He knows how big of a question it would be if Ryan’s hunch is right. Brendon doesn’t answer for a few seconds.

“She did nothing.”

“Brendon...”

“She- she said I can’t say anything,” Brendon whispers. That only pisses Ryan off. Someone hurt Brendon because of him.

“What did she do to you?”

Brendon sighs. “She would throw things, and sometimes hit me. I think she broke my rib one time,” Brendon says in a voice so small it was like a child telling his parents that he got beat up at school. It hurt Ryan. Someone hurt Brendon because of him... It’s all his fault.

“Why didn’t you fight back?” Ryan asks. So much is running through his mind. How Brendon is acting, Sarah has been doing this for years.

“Who would the police believe? Me? Or a woman?”

“How long?” Ryan nods, acknowledging what Brendon stated.

“5 years. It’s not that long, and it’s only when she’s really mad,” Brendon says. He’s defending her. Ryan wants to cry. He can feel the tears now. Some spill over against his wanting. He quickly wipes them away.

“You aren’t going back.”

“I have to. I’ll tell her when we get home. We have to stop at the studio first. I told her I left my guitar here,” Brendon mumbles as he pulls into the back of his studio. They climb out of the car. Brendon unlocks the back door, and turns off the alarm. Ryan has never been here. It’s a nice place. It’s small, but just the right size. Brendon picks up a random guitar and freezes. Ryan looks at the younger boy, wondering why he froze. Sarah walks around the corner, a frown on her face. She looks pissed when she looks at Brendon, but when she sees Ryan she looks like she wants to strangle him.

“Why the fuck are you here?” She spits at Ryan. He never imagined that she would be like this. She seems so sweet in the pictures on Instagram. Then again, that’s how everyone looks. It’s a manipulation of a situation in their life.

“I-“ Ryan starts. He gets cut off when Sarah walks to Brendon. He freezes. Brendon doesn’t move, like he’s accepting what’s going to happen. Ryan moves so he’s between Sarah and Brendon.

“I told you not to talk to him! Why the fuck is he here?” Sarah growls. She sees right through him. All she wants is to make Brendon pay for bringing Ryan here.

“I can talk to whoever the fuck I want,” Brendon growls back. He slowly pushes Ryan so he’s not directly in front of Brendon.

“But he hurt you Brendon, don’t you remember? He made you think you liked men. Don’t you remember?” Sarah asks in a voice that could have been soothing, if they weren’t in this situation.

“He did hurt me, you’re right. But I’ve known since I was a teenager that I was pan. He just happened to be the first man I loved,” Brendon says in a calm voice. Ryan’s heart stops for a beat. Brendon used to say how much he loved him on stage, but he never thought he actually loved him.

“Why would you be friends with him? He. Hurt. You.”

“Why would I be with you? You’ve hurt me much worse than he ever could. I trusted you Sarah. I thought you were the one, but you aren’t. I won’t marry you,” Brendon yells. His voice echoing through the building. He balls his fists at his side.

“You are willing to run back to a fucking faggot? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“I’m willing to run back to someone I never stopped loving. Now get the fuck out of my studio and don’t come back. Get your things from my house. If I see you there I’ll call the cops. Get out,” Brendon shouts. He brushes his fingers along Ryan’s arm. He’s warning him. Brendon is so used to this, he knows what Sarah is going to do. Ryan ducks as Sarah tries to slap him. She storms out of the building, slamming the door behind her. Brendon falls against the wall. He runs his hand through his hair.

“Are you okay?”

Brendon nods his head. “Yeah, just a little surprised. I thought she would kill one of us.”

“I’m proud of you. And, I get if you don’t want to be around me right now,” Ryan says. He watches the younger man stand up straight.

“We’re going home,” Brendon says with a small shy smile. Ryan remembers the first time he saw that smile. It when they were in high school. The band had just finished playing at a restaurant. Brendon and Ryan were putting the rest of the guitars in the back of Ryan’s car. He remembers how close Brendon was standing behind him. When he stood up, Brendon was there with that small smile. He gently kissed Ryan. At the time Ryan didn’t know that Brendon was pan, he thought Brendon just needed that. On the way back to Ryan’s house, Brendon came out. He was shaking, thinking that Ryan would think less of him, especially after Brendon kissed him. Ryan also came out that night too.

“You want me to go with you?”

“Get in my car Ryan Ross,” Brendon says lightly. Ryan follows Brendon out the door. Brendon’s car purrs to life as they climb in. Brendon drives away from the studio, his body seeming to be more relaxed.

“Did you mean what you said in there?”

“What?”

“Did you mean that you really loved me?”

“Why would I lie about that? Ryan, I fell in love with you when we kissed for the first time,” Brendon admits. He can feel Ryan’s eyes on him. He feels like this is how it was supposed to be.

“You were so scared after we kissed,” Ryan laughs. Brendon smiles. He remembers that night in full detail. It’s a night he could never forget.

“As soon as I kissed you, i thought you would push me away, but then you kissed me back. That gave me the courage to come out. You’re right, i was terrified.”

“Thank you by the way. For kissing me. I-I knew something was going to happen by how close you were standing by me,” Ryan smiles. Brendon reaches over and grabs Ryan’s hand. He squeezes it as he pulls into his driveway. When he pulls into his garage he sees Sarah’s car is still here. They both get out of the car to find Sarah crying in her car.

“Just go inside. She’ll be fine,” Brendon says softly, he guides Ryan inside. His house is beautiful. Brendon walks to the kitchen to put his phone on the charger. Ryan just stands there, not knowing what to do. He’s never been to Brendon’s house. When they were younger, Brendon’s parents thought he was a bad influence. They wouldn’t let him in, but Brendon would always go to Ryan’s house. Brendon walks upstairs, shedding his coat along the way. Ryan can see a faded bruise on the base of his neck. At the top of the stairs he lightly touches the bruise. Brendon freezes. No one has seen the bruises before. When he went on tour he used makeup to cover it. And if someone did see it, he could easily pull it off as having rough sex the night before. He turns around, facing Ryan.

“I’ll never do that to you,” Ryan whispers, his hand still on Brendon’s neck. Brendon nods, not able to find the words. Ryan steps towards Brendon, their faces inches apart. He wants Brendon to decide what he wants to do. Brendon leans into Ryan. Their lips connecting for the first time since Cape Town. Brendon’s arms wrap around Ryan’s waist. Ryan pulls away.

I missed you so fucking much,” Brendon whispers. He hugs Ryan. He doesn’t know how they waited this long. This was what should have happened when Ryan said he was leaving Panic! At the Disco. Brendon should have said how he really felt. If he did, maybe Ryan would still be in the band.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be. Its fine now,” Brendon says, pulling away. It’s not fine, and Ryan knows that. He walks to his room, Ryan following close behind. His heart was racing. He doesn’t know if it’s from the kiss, or how bad Sarah had hurt him. It might be both. Brendon falls on his bed, his arm falling against his eyes. Ryan watches, not knowing what else to do. He never thought he would be standing in Brendon’s room, having just kissed him. He decides to sit next to Brendon. His fingers ghost over Brendon’s jaw. This is similar to the night in Cape Town. It started much like this, Brendon trying sleep, and Ryan tracing designs on him.

“It’s just like Cape Town,” Ryan breathes. He continues to trace designs on Brendon’s jaw. God, he wishes that he could feel Brendon like he did in Cape Town. But he knows it would take time for that. He can’t mess this up again. Brendon sits up, not looking at Ryan, his eyes looking down into his lap.

“It is,” Brendon whispers back. He reaches over and grabs Ryan’s hand. Memories flood his head from that night.

“Thank you so much Cape Town! Have a great night!” Brendon shouts into the mic. He looks over at Ryan. The older boy has a smile on his face that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.The lights go out, signaling the band to get off stage. They only have a few seconds. Their instruments would be gathered the day after tomorrow before they left to go home. Ryan’s hand finds Brendon’s. As they walk off stage Ryan’s heart slowly breaks. He left everything he had on stage tonight. He had to, it was his last concert with the band. The lights turn on as the stage door closes behind him. Jon and spencer have already walked to the dressing room, leaving Ryan and Brendon alone. No one pays them much attention. A stage crew member hands Brendon his phone and a pair of keys. Brendon pulls Ryan to the exit, their hands still interlocked. The cool night air engulfs them. It’s a nice change from the hot, stuffy stadium. Brendon falls against the wall, his eyes are closed. He takes a deep breath.

“Brendon?” Ryan asks. He’s worried. This isn’t how Brendon was after concerts. Usually he would drink until the the next day, partying with the band.

“This is it Ryan,” Brendon says, his voice breaking. During the concert when they were singing Northern Downpour, Ryan could have sworn he heard Brendon’s voice break. If it did, Brendon easily covered it up.

“Brendon.”

“I-I can’t loose you,” Brendon whispers, opening his eyes to see that Ryan has been crying. Brendon stands up, dropping Ryan’s hand. He walks to the black SUV, getting into the drivers seat. Ryan gets into the passenger seat. Brendon drives to the hotel they were staying at. They drive in silence. Ryan doesn’t know what to say. He knows how much he hurt the band when he said him and Jon were leaving. Brendon pulls into an empty parking space. They get out in silence. Usually they would go in through the back door, but Brendon doesn’t care. A few people stop to look at the two sweaty, exhausted boys walking through the hotel entrance. If anyone figured out who they were, it was too late, the boys were already on the elevator. Jon made sure to get them all rooms next to each other. Together they walk to Brendon’s room. He expects Ryan to walk away, but he stays. He opens the door and walks in. He sheds his overcoat, not caring where it landed. With a thud Brendon falls on the bed. His eyes close, wishing Ryan would leave. He can’t stand to be sad right now.

“Brendon,” Ryan whispers as he sits next to the younger boy. His fingers trace designs on Brendon’s jaw and neck. It’s always been his way of trying to comfort Brendon.

“Why are you here?” Brendon asks in a broken voice, his emotions are finally breaking through. He tries to fight it, but it’s too strong.

“I’m not leaving you. We have time Brendon,” Ryan tries. He knows that nothing he says will help.

“Bullshit. You’re still leaving,” Brendon growls brokenly, sitting up to face Ryan. Brendon is taking this on a personal level, and Ryan can’t figure out why. Sure the band is close, but spencer didn’t react this way. He accepted what would be their new reality. The new Panic! At The Disco.

“Why does it matter so much to you?” Ryan asks. He phrases it carefully. Brendon’s already upset. Ryan doesn’t want to make him even more upset.

“Because I love you Ryan,” Brendon whispers, looking away from him. Ryan’s heart lurches. This was not what he was expecting. Shit. Tears fall down Brendon’s cheeks, he thinks Ryan is dismissing him. “Forget it. You’ve made up your mind,” Brendon says in a dry voice. He gets up and walks to the bathroom. Water in the shower turns in, but the door never shuts. Ryan takes off his shirt, then his shoes and jeans. He was only left in his compression shorts. Ryan sighs. He’s loved Brendon for so long. But if he says anything now, it might be interpreted as guilt. He’ll try anyways. He slowly walks to the bathroom to find Brendon’s clothes all over the floor. He slips off his compression shorts, and slips into the shower. Brendon is sitting in a ball on the floor, cold water washing over him. Ryan turns the water warm. Brendon slowly stands up and faces Ryan. His eyes are red and puffy.

“I’m not here because I’m guilty. I’m here because...I...” Ryan says. He reaches his hand up so it’s cupping Brendon’s cheek. He looks hopeful. Maybe for one night they can forget about the world around them. For one night, it will be just them. Brendon knows what Ryan is trying to say. He feels the same way.

“Can we forget everything? Just for tonight?” Brendon asks. His eyes are pleading for Ryan to say yes. He needs him to say yes. This is it. This is the last time they will get to be a band. This is the last time Brendon and Ryan will be together like this.

“Yes,” Ryan breathes. He kisses Brendon, his hands wrapping around his neck, pulling the boys closer to each other. The kiss is different this time. It’s full of desperation and heartache. Ryan can feel himself start to get hard. In response Brendon rubs against him. Brendon moans into Ryan’s mouth. The two boys start grinding on each other to create some sort of friction. Brendon pulls away enough so their foreheads are still touching.

“I don’t want it to be in here,” Brendon whispers. Ryan understands. They get out of the shower, not bothering to turn off the water. Brendon climbs on the bed, waiting for Ryan to climb into his lap. Ryan first walks to Brendon’s suitcase. He hopes Brendon packed some lube. If he didn’t, it would hella painful for him. He finds the bottle tucked away under his jeans. He brings it back to the bed. Brendon understands why Ryan brought it back. He knows it’ll be painful without the lube. Ryan sits on his lap, kissing him. He can feel how hard Brendon is under him. He’s bigger than Ryan thought, that only makes him harder. Fuck, it’s almost painful now. He needs Brendon in him. He sits up on his knees, hoping to show Brendon what he needs. Brendon flips Ryan so he’s now on his back. He finds the bottle of lube and rubs some on his dick. He lines up with Ryan’s entrance. Slowly, he starts to push in, knowing if he goes any faster it’ll be too painful. Ryan groans when Brendon is fully in him. Brendon starts to thrust his hips. He’s going agonisingly slow.

“Faster,” Ryan grunts. Brendon’s hips slam into him. He lifts Ryan’s legs, and that’s when Brendon hits his prostate. “Fuuuck,” Ryan moans. Both boys begin the breathe heavily. Ryan can feel his orgasm coming. He’s so close. With one last thrust from Brendon, Ryan comes all over his chest. Brendon moans so deeply as he comes in Ryan. He rides out his orgasm. He collapses on Ryan’s chest. “My turn,” he whispers in Brendon’s ear, his breath tickling his ear. He is still pretty hard, but he grabs his dick and strokes it. He looks over at the boy next to him. He grabs the bottle of lube, and rubs it on his dick. He makes Brendon get on all fours, his ass sticking in the air. Ryan then enters him. Brendon squirms beneath him, Ryan went fast, but damn, it felt so good. The pain doesn’t register. Ryan begins to thrust. He doesn’t start slow, but Brendon never wanted that. This is exactly how he needs Ryan. Ryan reaches around and begins to stroke Brendon’s dick, while still thrusting. He’s never felt so good in his life.

“Ryan,” Brendon moans. His breathing hitches when Ryan lets go of his dick so he can slap Brendon’s ass. “I’m-fuck Ryan. I-I’m coming,” Brendon says between moans. Brendon comes all over the bed and his stomach. Ryan soon follows. They collapse, limbs tangling with each other. Brendon leans his head on Ryan’s chest. Their breathing is still erratic. Once their breaths settle, Brendon asks in a tired voice, “What does this mean?”

Ryan doesn’t know. This changes so much, but Jon already officially left Panic!. Ryan doesn’t know what to do. He still has time to decide. He planned on leaving in the summer, but now he doesn’t know. “I don’t know,” Ryan admits. He wants to stay so bad, but he promised Jon. Brendon sighs.

“Do you want to leave? Or does Jon want you to?” Brendon asks hesitantly.

“I promised Jon, but a few weeks ago I told him I need to think about it.”

“Stay,” Brendon mumbles. He can feel sleep tugging at him.

“I want to,” Ryan responds. He breathes in the scent of Brendon. He wants this moment to last forever.

“I love you,” Brendon whispers. Ryan smiles, brushing a strand of hair out of Brendon’s eyes.

“I know. I love you too,” Ryan whispers back. Sleep overcomes them both, pulling them into a peaceful state. One of which neither of wants to leave.

<><><><>

Ryan wakes up to someone banging on the door. He looks at Brendon, who is still wrapped in his arms. He doesn’t want to wake him up, but the banging won’t stop. He sits up, making Brendon wake up.

“No,” Brendon protests. He grabs Ryan’s arm, trying to pull him back down. He seems to not hear the banging.

“Bren, I have to get the door,” Ryan explains. Brendon opens his eyes. Now he seems to hear the banging. Ryan smirks, sliding out of bed. He finds a pair of jeans and pulls them on, not caring if they were his or Brendon’s. He opens the door to reveal a pissed off looking Jon and Spencer.

“Where were you last night? You missed the party,” Spencer asks. He’s not upset, just very hungover. Ryan smirks at them. That rewards him with a light punch in the shoulder.

“I came back here. Wasn’t in the mood to party,” Ryan says. He looks between the two boys. They know something else is going on.

“What do they want?” Brendon asks sleepily. He threw on some jeans, they were probably Ryan’s because they seem a little tight. And he doesn’t own a pair of navy jeans. Spencer smirks at Ryan now. He knows.

“Isn’t this Brendon’s room?” Spencer asks. He knows full well it’s Brendon’s room. Ryan’s face turns a light shade of pink. They were caught. “And aren’t those jeans Ryan’s?” Spencer asks Brendon. He nods, not caring about what spencer and Jon will say. Ryan reaches around and grabs Brendon’s hand.

“I fell asleep here last night,” Ryan defends. He knows they see right through the lie.

“Sure ya did,” Jon laughs. He walks towards the elevators, leaving spencer at the door.

“You should try to be quiet next time,” spencer smirks. Ryan’s face turns red. Brendon’s looks the same.

“Don’t listen so hard,” Brendon tries to defend him and Ryan, but it doesn’t work. Spencer laughs and walks to Jon. Ryan closes the door. He faces Brendon. He looks so hot in his jeans. He once again can feel himself get hard. Brendon closes the distance, placing his lips on his. They stagger to the bed and fall against it. They didn’t care who heard them. Brendon wants the whole hotel to know. So that’s exactly what he did. He made Ryan scream his name. This is what Brendon has always wanted to do, and he finally got to.

Brendon snaps out of the memory, tears running down his face. Ryan places his hand under his chin, lifting it so Brendon is looking at Ryan. It’s always painful to remember that night. Ryan wipes away his tear with his free hand.

“And I meant everything I said that night,” Ryan whispers, quoting Brendon’s song. He gently kisses Brendon, hoping to show that he’s here to stay. He’s not leaving again.

“I will come back to life only for you,” Brendon responds. He wrote the song about that night, about Ryan’s song Cape Town. Here he is some odd years later, quoting his song with Ryan. He smiles. He was broken after Ryan left, he only felt whole when he thought about Ryan. Sarah helped for a while, but it didn’t last.

“I have to call Jon, he doesn’t know I left,” Ryan mummers apologetically. Brendon nods. Ryan pulls out his phone, dialing Jon’s number. He puts it on speaker. After 4 rings Jon picks up.

“Where the fuck are you? I thought we were recording today?” Jon asks, clearly annoyed.

“I’m in LA.”

“Why? There’s nothing there for you,” Jon responds a little harshly. Brendon glances at Ryan. He frowns.

“I came for Brendon’s wedding,” Ryan responds curtly. He looks at Brendon for permission to tell him what’s really going on. Brendon nods.

“Dude, seriously? I thought you two didn’t talk anymore,” Jon asks, clearly not believing Ryan.

“We didn’t, but-“

“I swear Ryan. Did you make Brendon cheat on his wife? Cuz that’s kinda fucked up.”

“Jon, shut the fuck up. He called off his wedding,” Ryan snaps. Brendon smiles, laughter in his eyes.

“Why? What did you do?”

“I didn’t-“

“Bullshit,” Jon calls him out. Brendon laughs. He covers his mouth with his hand. Ryan giggles quietly.

“He just came to LA for the wedding,” Brendon calls out. Ryan’s mouth hangs open. He didn’t expect Brendon to say that. He thought Brendon would say something smart assy. But then again he didn’t expect any of this.

“Brendon? How are you?,” Jon says lightly, changing his tone. Ryan rolls his eyes. Jon sometimes seems like he’s bipolar.

“I’m fine,” Brendon says. He’s avoiding telling Jon what happened between them. Jon might know part of it, but he sure as hell doesn’t know all of it.

“Why don’t you fly out to LA and we’ll talk?” Brendon suggests.

“I’ll just drive. I’ll be there in a few hours,” Jon says. He ends the call.

“That could have gone a little better,” Ryan laughs. Brendon stands up and walks downstairs. He returns shortly with his phone. He dials Spencer’s number, putting it on speaker. Spencer answers right away.

“Hey B, what color tie should I wear to your wedding?” Spencer asks right away.

“Don’t bother, it’s not happening.”

“What happened man? Is everything okay?”

“Ryan Ross. And yeah, I’m fine.”

“You aren’t serious are you?” Spencer asks, disbelief clouding his voice. Spencer was the one who helped Brendon get through the bands breakup. He was heartbroken over Ryan leaving.

“Say hi Ryan,” Brendon says in response.

“Hey Spence,” Ryan says.

“Oh my god! How are you? How’d you manage to steal Brendon from Sarah?” Spencer asks. He’s joking about the last part, but that’s kinda what Ryan did. He didn’t mean to really.

“I’m fine. And I didn’t steal him from Sarah, he left on his own.”

“Bull. My guess is you grew some balls and told B how you really felt,” Spencer guesses. He hit it dead on. That’s exactly what happened. It’s almost funny, this is the second time Ryan has admitted his feelings for Brendon. This time, neither of them are leaving.

“Dead on,” Ryan says.

“It’s about damn time!”

“Very funny,” Ryan says sarcastically. “Why don’t you come over in a few hours. Jon will be here too.”

“Hell yeah I’ll be there,” Spencer says excitedly. Brendon ends the call, smiling. Maybe Panic! could get back together? Brendon wonders, but he knows that the chances of that are very slim. Ryan checks his watch. 4:49. They still had 6 hours until John would get here.

“Shouldn’t you call Nicole?” Ryan asks, remembering the bass player that was on stage with him. Brendon nods, dialing her number. Ryan sits still, not wanting to interrupt.

“Brendon? Is everything okay?” Nicole asks automatically. Her voice is laced with worry. They don’t normally talk much outside of the band.

“Yeah, umm. Why don’t you come to my place so we can talk?” Brendon suggests. Nicole pauses for a second.

“Sure. You sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine. Be here in a few hours.”

“Okay. See ya then.” Nicole hangs up. Brendon sighs. He stands up and walks out of the room. His footsteps echo when he climbs down the stairs. Ryan follows. Brendon is pulling things out of the refrigerator. He already has vegetables out. He closes the door and grabs some pasta from the pantry.

“Hope you like sautéed vegetables with pasta,” Brendon says quietly, almost like he’s embarrassed. Ryan laughs. Whenever the band would go on tour, Brendon would always cook. It was his secret super power.

“That sounds amazing,” Ryan says lightly. Brendon looks up from cutting the vegetables, giving Ryan a small smile. Ryan checks his phone. He has over a hundred Instagram notifications. He opens one of them, groaning when he sees the picture. One of the paparazzi snapped a picture of Ryan getting in Brendon’s car. Fuck. Brendon looks up st him. “People saw me getting in your car,” Ryan explains. The younger boy frowns slightly. He sets the knife down, dropping the vegetables into the hot oil in the pan on the stove.

“Are going to respond to it?” Brendon asks. Ryan almost always ignored the posts he was tagged in. Brendon, however, would respond to a post with one of his own. Sometimes to antagonise, sometimes to actually get a message across.

“Do you want me to?”

“No,” Brendon says as he stirs the vegetables. He reaches under the stove and pulls out a pot, filling it with water, he puts the pasta in. Ryan agrees with not posting a response. He doesn’t know what him an Brendon are. To post something now, it could be misleading.

“Okay. So, when is everyone getting here?” Ryan asks. He’s hoping to steer Brendon away from the fact that people saw them together.

“11ish. I don’t know. Nicole and Spencer could be here earlier,” Brendon responds. He drains the pasta in the sink. He then pours the pasta into a bowl. He takes the vegetables and adds it to the pasta. After mixing it, he gets two plates and adds the food on it. Brendon carries it to the table. They sit down. Ryan’s missed this. Every time they would go on tour, this is how it would be. Sometimes the entire band would try to sit at the little table on the bus to eat the food Brendon made.

“Thank you,” Ryan says softly, taking a bite of the hot food in front of him. Brendon does the same but a little frown crosses his face.

“It’s a little bland,” the younger boy says thoughtfully. He doesn’t get up to get spices, but he looks at Ryan to see if he feels the same about the food. Ryan doesn’t see anything wrong with the food. The sautéed vegetables add all the flavor he needs. He doesn’t want Brendon to eat food he doesn’t particularly like, but Ryan also doesn’t want to add a whole bunch of extra flavor.

“If you want to add spices, go for it. I like it just the way it is,” Ryan says, taking another bite of the food. Brendon smiles. He doesn’t get up for the spices, he eats it the way it is. Just as they are finishing their meal, Brendon’s phone rings. He looks at the caller ID and groans. He answers the call, putting it on speaker so Ryan can hear.

“Thanks for the call,” a male voice says with an edge to it. The voice sounds familiar. Ryan has definitely heard it before.

“I didn’t think I had to call you about every new thing in my life,” Brendon fires back.

“You don’t, but I think this is something to call about.”

“How the hell do you even know about this?” Brendon asks. He doesn’t think Dallon knows about Ryan, but who knows. Maybe he does.

“Spencer called. He said the wedding was called off. I asked him why, and he told me,” the voice says. Brendon still had to call the wedding off officially.

“It was none of his damn business to say anything,” Brendon practically growls.

“Maybe it wasn’t, but would you like to explain what the hell happened?”

“Dallon, I...I just met up with an old friend. Sarah didn’t like it, so I called it off,” Brendon answers. He isn’t lying, but he isn’t telling the whole truth. Dallon sees right through it.

“Cut the shit Brendon. Spence said you met up with Ryan Ross,” Dallon says. Brendon runs his hand through his hair. When Dallon joined the band, Brendon made sure to keep his and Ryan’s relationship/ friendship a secret. Brendon didn’t bring him up, and Dallon never asked.

“We did meet up, but that’s not why I called off the wedding,” Brendon tries to lie. He gives Ryan an apologetic look.

“Stop fucking lying to me.”

“What do you want me to say?!” Brendon asks, exasperated.

“Tell me the god damn truth. Who is Ryan Ross to you?”

“He’s...he’s umm...”

“Out with it Urie.”

“He’s my-he was my boyfriend,” Brendon admits softly. This is the first person Brendon has told upfront. Spencer and Jon figured out that they were more than friends, but Ryan and Brendon never said anything about it.

“He was? What about now?”

“It was never official, but yeah we were.”

“Then why call off your wedding if you aren’t dating anymore?”

“It’s complicated.”

“I have time, so talk.” Dallon says. Brendon sighs. He doesn’t want to ask Dallon to come over, but it would be easier.

“Why don’t you just come over?” Brendon suggests. He doesn’t want Dallon to come over. When Dallon decided to leave Panic!, Dallon became distant, and not as friendly. Things have gotten better since then, but it’s not where it used to be.

“You sure?”

“Yes. It’ll be easier to explain with everyone here,” Brendon says. He’s starting to feel better about Dallon coming over.

“Wait, who else is coming?”

“Nicole, Spencer, and Jon.”

“Okay. When do you want me there?” Dallon asks. Brendon checks his watch. It’s only 6:03. They still have about 5 hours until everyone will get there.

“11,” Brendon replies. Ryan picks up his and Brendon’s plate, and places them in the sink. He finds a dish rag, puts a little soap and water on it. He washes the plates while Brendon waits for a response from Dallon. He’s definitely heard about Dallon. He was the guitar player that replaced him when he left. He feels bad for Brendon. He’s the only one left of the original Panic! At The Disco. He puts the plates on the counter and sits back at the table. Dallon finally answers.

“Yeah, I can be there. My wife isn’t happy ‘bout it, but she’ll be fine,” Dallon says. The corners of Brendon’s lips briefly turn into a smile. This was how most of their phone calls ended up. They would always make plans to go to bars. Dallon would call his wife on his way their. She was never happy about him going, but it’s not like she could stop him.

“Okay. See ya then,” Brendon says. Dallon grunts his reply, which isn’t anything unusual. Brendon hangs up. “Thanks for cleaning the plates.”

“Oh, no problem,” Ryan answers, pink tinting his cheeks. Brendon smiles at his blush. He stands up, walking to his liquor cabinet. He pulls out a bottle of white wine. He grabs two cups from under the cabinet, pouring the glasses almost all the way full. He hands Ryan a cup. Brendon wastes no time in taking a huge sip of the wine. Ryan follows suit. The wine is sweet on his tongue, the alcohol giving a warm feeling in his chest. Brendon slips an arm around Ryan’s waist. Ryan leans his head on Brendon’s. Brendon gulps down the rest of his wine, setting the glass on the counter in front of them. Ryan takes a little more time to finish, but if done fairly quickly.

“What do you wanna do until everyone gets here?” Brendon asks. He lets go of Ryan so he can look at him. Ryan thinks for a second. It’s been so long since he’s been in LA.

“I just wanna walk around,” Ryan says. Brendon is silent for a second.

“We could go to West Hollywood Park,” Brendon suggests. Ryan nods his head. He used to love walking in parks. When they went on tour for Pretty. Odd. Ryan would drag Brendon, or someone else to a park to walk around.

“That sounds nice,” Ryan smiles. They walk back to Brendon’s car. Sarah’s car isn’t in the garage anymore. Brendon starts the car as soon as the doors close. He drives down to the main road. A lot of people are driving home from work. It takes about an hour to get there. Ryan looks out of the window most of the drive. He wants to remember what it’s like, so when he goes back to Seattle, he’ll know what Brendon gets to see everyday. Brendon finds a place to park near the park. They see a little shop called Salt & Straw. Brendon practically pulls Ryan into the shop. The lady at the counter immediately recognises Brendon.

“Oh my god! You’re Brendon Urie! I’m such a huge fan!” She screeches. Turning to Ryan she frowns for a second before saying,” You’re Ryan Ross! Oh my god! Will you sign my shirt?” She asks them both. The boys each grab a pen from the counter, signing her white work shirt. “I’m so sorry, I never meet celebrities. What would you like today?”

“I’ll have a Honey Lavender ice cream,” Ryan says. He turns to Brendon.

“I’ll have a Chocolate Gooey Brownie,” he says. Ryan smiles at his choice. The lady starts making their order. It only takes a few minutes before she hands them their ice cream. Brendon hands her a $20 bill, not caring if he needs change back. They walk out of the shop. Across the street is the so called park. Sure there were trees, but businesses had moved in, clearing the trees away. “Sorry about the lack of trees,” Brendon apologises.

“Don’t be sorry. It’s better than nothing,” Ryan says with a smile. Brendon smiles back. Everything in this moment is perfect. He’s with the man he loves, eating ice cream in a park in Los Angeles. “Can I ask you something?” Ryan asks, suddenly shy.

“Yeah, of course,” Brendon says. He gently bumps into Ryan, making him smile again.

“When you told Dallon about what us. You...I could be wrong but...what were you going to say? I thought you were gonna say that we are together now,” Ryan rushes out. He watches his feet, not wanting to see Brendon react, in case he said something wrong. Brendon takes a deep breath.

“I wanted to say we were together, but we aren’t,” He knows Ryan can hear the sadness tinting his voice. Brendon says simply. He doesn’t want to push Ryan in a way he doesn’t want to go. Ryan however, was sure that Brendon almost slipped up because he was remembering the past. Maybe he wants to be in a relationship.

“What’s stopping us from being in a relationship?” Ryan asks. Brendon looks at him with a gleam in his eye.

“Us not admitting our feelings?”

“I thought we had?”

“We did. I mean now...” Brendon trails off. He glances around. He knows people have been snapping pictures of him and Ryan since they got out of his car. Rumors will start again, and frankly, Brendon doesn’t care, as long as Ryan is with him.

“Oh, well...I feel terrible that I left you. Looking back it was the right decision for me at the time, but I feel like we could have made it work. I never meant to keep you out of my life, but I thought you would hate me. I still have feelings for you. They never went away, even though I tried,” Ryan admits. Brendon stops walking, Ryan stops shortly after, not knowing why Brendon stopped. Brendon grabs Ryan’s arm, turning it so his forearm is facing up. Ryan’s stomach drops. A faint scar is on his arm. Brendon looks at him with sad eyes. He drops his arm, starting to walk again, this time back to his car. Ryan feels awful. The scar faded a whole bunch, but it never will fade completely.

“Why?” Is all Brendon asks, no anger is in his voice. Ryan sighs. This wasn’t how he wanted to tell Brendon.

“I thought I would never see you again.”

“I get it. I felt the same way, so I wrote about you in my songs,” Brendon admits. He sighs, Ryan already knows how he feels, but he doesn’t know all of it. “You know I still love you. But what you don’t know is that I thought Sarah would be the one that made me forget you. It worked, until she saw my notebook. I had recent notes in there. And god, you probably don’t feel the same way.”

“I love you Brendon Urie,” Ryan whispers as Brendon unlocks his car. He freezes turning to look at Ryan. He smiles, getting in the car. Ryan climbs in. Brendon pulls out of the parking space, speeding home. Brendon doesn’t bother to answer Ryan. He would only be repeating what he said earlier. Ryan reaches out for Brendon’s hand. Their hands interlock. It feels right for them to be holding hands. Ryan drifts off to sleep, and is awoken by Brendon letting go of his hand. He sees that they are back in Brendon’s garage. He checks his phone for the time. 9:12. Brendon glances at the clock, climbing out of the car. He walks around and open Ryan’s door for him. He climbs out, shutting his door, and following Brendon back into his house. Brendon walls to his couch and sits down. Ryan sits down right next to him, maybe a little too close, but neither of them care. The both fall asleep.

(about 2 hours pass)

The doorbell rings, waking up the two boys. Brendon walks to the door, opening it to see Dallon and Nicole standing there. He lets them in.

“Do you know each other?” Brendon asks. Nicole shakes her head. Dallon shrugs.

“This is Nicole, she’s the bass guitarist, and this is Dallon. He used to be the guitarist,” Brendon says. Nicole and Dallon shake hands. They walk out to the living room. Ryan is on his phone, glancing up when the new people walk in. “This is Ryan,” he says to the people. Ryan knows who they are, but he’s never met them in person.

“Hi, I’m Nicole,” Nicole says with a smile. Ryan returns it, turning to the man.

“I’m Dallon,” Dallon says. He gives Ryan a small smile, before sitting down in a chair. The door bell rings once again. Brendon walks and opens the door. Jon is standing there. Brendon lets him in. He walks right to Ryan.

“You not showing up today set us back about $100,000. You can’t just leave and not tell me,” Jon says, anger filling his voice.

“I’m allowed to leave Seattle when I want,” Ryan says back. He doesn’t want to make a scene in front of the other people. The front door opens and Spencer walks into the room. Brendon shakes his head with a small smile at the sight of Spencer walking into his house.

“Well you leaving like this cost us money,” Jon fires back.

“So?”

“So, we lost money because you wanted to see someone you haven’t talked to in years!” Jon yells. Ryan flinches slightly. He looks around the room, Spencer looks amused, Nicole and Brendon look worried, and Dallon is neutral. Ryan doesn’t want to argue anymore.

“That’s exactly what happened,” Ryan mutters sitting back down. Brendon takes this opportunity to step in.

“So um, sorry for calling you all, but I- we needed to tell you something,” Brendon starts off. He’s nervous, and everyone can tell. He sighs, sitting down next to Ryan. This is going to be a long night. “Who here knows what happened in Cape Town?” Brendon asks. Spencer’s hand raises, but Jon’s doesn’t. He never completely figured it out. He knew that they had sex that night, that was probably obvious when he saw them the day after the concert. Dallon knows they used to “date”, but only Spencer figured out Cape Town.

“I’ve heard fan theories,” Nicole says.

“Something probably happened between you and Ryan,” Dallon says. Brendon nods.

“We used to be together. And in Cape Town, we...a lot was admitted,” Ryan admits to the group. Spencer smirks. Nicole’s mouth opens.

“You two used to date?” Nicole asks. She knew he was pansexual, but she never knew he used to date a man.

“Yeah,” Ryan says softly.

“So what about Cape Town then?” She asks. Ryan looks at Brendon. Brendon shrugs.

“Cape Town was the last concert Jon and I did with Panic!. After the concert Brendon was...off. You all know how he is after concerts, but that never happened that night. Brendon drove back to the hotel as soon as he could, he waited for me to get in the car though. And um, we went to his room,” Ryan says. Brendon looks down at his hands to try to hide his blush.

“I thought he was there because he felt guilty,” Brendon adds.

“I told him that’s not why. And we had sex. I told him that I wanted to stay, and that I loved him,” Ryan finishes. Dallon and Nicole smile. Spencer still has a smirk on his face, Jon however doesn’t seem thrilled.

“You wanted to stay?” Jon asks.

“I did. But I already said I was leaving. I couldn’t go back on my word,” Ryan resends. Jon nods.

“Is this why you told us to come?” Nicole asks. She’s not upset, but isn’t thrilled.

“Part of it,” Brendon says.

“People have theories about Cape Town, but should we explain what happened?” Ryan asks.

“I think it depends on what you two are now. If you’re together, then yeah. If you aren’t. Don’t,” Dallon says. He heard Brendon slip up on their call.

“Dallon’s right,” Nicole says.

“What are you two now?” Dallon asks.

“We- I don’t know,” Brendon says, looking at Ryan for help. They briefly talked about this when they were at the park, but they never came to an answer.

“Oh come on,” Spencer says with a smile.

“Don’t pressure him,” Nicole says, smiling at Spencer.

“I guess we could date,” Ryan says, a blush creeping up his cheeks. Brendon smiles.

“I guess we could,” he replies.

“Make it official,” Nicole says, earning a thumbs up from Spencer. Jon smiles a little at the smile the creeps onto Ryan’s face.

“Will you be my boyfriend?” Ryan asks. Brendon smiles even bigger.

“Hell yes,” he says. Everyone in the room claps.

“Hate to interrupt, but I should get going,” Jon says. He walks to the door, no one stopping him.

“What was his problem?” Spencer asks.

“I don’t know. Probably pissed we didn’t personally tell him all this,” Ryan says.

“Did he know about Cape Town before this?” Nicole asks. She glances at Dallon. They are the only two here that weren’t at Cape Town with them.

“He knew ‘bout the sex. But not the rest,” Brendon answers.

“You’re going on tour soon, right?” Dallon asks, leaning forward so his elbows are resting on his knees.

“Yeah why?” Brendon asks.

“For the international part you could do a pop up concert at Cape Town,” Dallon suggests.

“And you could make a video, and have your manager post it during the concert,” Nicole adds.

“Play Northern Downpour as the last song. No one knows Ryan is there. He’ll sing the last song with you. Silently as his part is coming up, Ryan walks on stage and starts singing,” Dallon says.

“After the concert is over play the video. We’ll be long gone though,” Nicole says. Brendon and Ryan are speechless. It’s actually a great idea.

“Okay. I’ll fly out to Cape Town the day of the concert then,” Ryan says. This would be a great way for them to announce that they are dating.

“Sounds good!” Nicole and Brendon day together. Ryan smiles. Everything is perfect.


	2. Chapter 2

Today as Brendon wakes up he remembers that he’s in Cape Town, and Ryan will be here soon. He bolts out of bed, throwing on sweatpants and a sweatshirt. He drives to the stadium in a rush. The clock in his rental car says it’s 2:30pm. He’s late. He runs into the building, finding Nicole standing there impatiently. They had run throughs in an half an hour. 

“Sorry, I have jet lag,” Brendon explains. They walk out to the stage. People are rushing about getting things ready. The concert won’t start for another 5 and a half hours. As they finish Victorious, Brendon walks to the front of the stage. He makes up the words as he walks forward.

“We have one more song tonight. It might seem surprising, but I hope you like it,” Brendon says into the microphone, cringing at how bad the words sound. Ryan walks out on his cue in Northern Downpour. They finish the song. The workers clap, then return back to their work. 

“That was rough,” Nicole laughs, playfully shoving Brendon’s shoulder. 

“No shit,” Brendon laughs, looking at Ryan who was walking to them.

“I haven’t sang that song in forever,” Ryan admits, his guitar in his left hand. They walk back to the dressing rooms. They still have 2 hours before the concert starts. Brendon sleeps until the stage director calls for them to walk to the stage. He gives Ryan a quick hug and a kiss.

“Good luck,” Ryan whispers. 

“Thanks,” Brendon says. He walks onto the stage. The concert goes by fast. Soon he’s singing the the end of Victorious.

“Tonight we are victorious!” Brendon sings into the microphone. The music stops, signaling Brendon to walk to the front of the stage.

“We have one more song for you guys tonight. It’s a very bittersweet song for me. It’s one I haven’t sang since I was last here,” Brendon says. He strums the begging of Northern Downpour. The crowd screams, bringing a smile to Brendon’s face.

“If all our life is but a dream  
Fantastic posing greed  
Then we should feed out jewels to the sea  
As diamonds do appear to be   
Just like broken glass to me

And then she said she can’t believe   
Genius only comes along   
In storms if fabled foreign tongues  
Tripping eyes, and flooded lungs  
Northern Downpour sends its love,” Brendon sings. This is Ryan’s cue. Behind him, Ryan quietly comes onto stage, the lights haven’t found him yet.

“Hey moon, please forget to fall down  
Hey moon, don’t you go down,” Brendon sings. He smiles. This is it.

“Sugarcane in the easy mornin’  
Weather vanes my one and lonely,” Ryan sings. The crowd screams again. The lights come up on Ryan, as he walks to Brendon, so they’re side by side. 

“The ink is running toward the page  
It’s chasin’ off the days  
Look back at both feet  
And that winding knee  
I missed your skin when you were east  
You clicked your heels and wished for me

Through playful lips made of yarn  
That fragile Capricorn  
Unraveled words like moths upon old scarves  
I know the worlds a broken bone  
But melt your headaches, call it home,” Brendon and Ryan sing. Usually Ryan doesn’t sing this part, but no one cares. 

“Hey moon, please forget to fall down  
Hey moon, don’t you go down

Sugarcane in the easy mornin’  
Weather vanes my one and lonely

Sugarcane in the easy mornin’  
Weather vanes my one and lonely

Sugarcane in the easy mornin’  
Weather vanes my one and lonely

Sugarcane in the easy mornin’  
Weather vanes my one and lonely

Sugarcane in the easy mornin’  
Weather vanes my one and lonely

Sugarcane (hey moon) in (hey moon)   
The easy (hey moon) mornin’  
Weather vanes (hey moon) my (hey moon)   
One (hey moon) and lonely

Hey moon, please forget to fall down  
Hey moon don’t you go down  
You are at the top of my lungs  
Drawn to the ones who never yawn,” Brendon and Ryan finish. The crowd goes crazy. Brendon hasn’t preformed Northern Downpour in years. It’s a classic to the Panic! fans. They love this song, and for many of them it reminds them of the band splitting up.

“We have one more surprise for you tonight. No one has seen this video yet, so you’ll be the first ones. The video is being posted shortly after this,” Ryan says into the mic. The lights turn off and everyone on stage walks off to the dressing room. The YouTube video of Ryan and Brendon telling what happened in Cape Town all those years ago appears on the stage. They watch from the tv in the dressing room. The crowd goes wild. At the very end of the video they tell that they are dating. The crowd screams so loud when they see Brendon and Ryan kiss. They can’t risk going back on stage. The house lights come on, and the crowd begins to leave. 

“I think that went well,” Nicole says. Brendon smiles.

“I think it did,” Ryan says. Brendon’s manager walks in the room. He looks pissed off.

“What the hell was that?” He asks. Brendon shrugs.

“It was the truth,” Brendon replies simply. Nicole smirks.

“I don’t think you thought this through-“

“I did actually. And I was going to call and see if you could get the papers so we can sign him,” Brendon says with a smirk. He’s clearly getting under his managers skin.

“You can’t sign him!”

“Why not?” Nicole challenges. She trying to keep Brendon calm.

“He left the band!”

“Well now I’m asking to come back,” Ryan says. 

“And I’m saying he can,” Brendon adds.

“Everyone here wants him to. And it’s really not up to you,” Nicole says. 

“Fine I’ll get the damn papers,” he says, storming out of the room. He won’t get the papers and Brendon knows it. Nicole gets up and pours herself a glass of whiskey. Ryan grabs Brendon’s hand. 

“Can we leave?” Ryan asks. There isn’t anything more for them to do at the stadium. Brendon stands up. He scans the room, looking for the keys, and his phone. They are on the table by Nicole. He grabs them, turning to Nicole.

“We’re gonna head out. You want a ride back to the hotel?” Brendon says. Nicole finishes her whiskey.

“Yeah, I’m not in the mood to party,” Nicole says, standing up. Ryan walks out the door with Nicole and Brendon right behind. The black SUV is waiting for them in the back. Brendon climbs in the drivers seat with Ryan beside him, and Nicole behind. It’s about a 10 minute drive to the hotel. When Brendon parks, it’s in the back of the hotel. A worker is standing by the door, waiting to let them in. Once inside, Nicole heads to the bar while Ryan and Brendon head up to their room. So many memories come flooding back.

“You aren’t leaving this time,” Brendon says softly when they are in the elevator. 

“I’m here to stay,” Ryan replies with a smile. The door opens on the 6th floor. They walk hand in hand to their room. Ryan pulls out their room key. He opens the door. The room is dark until Ryan switches the light on. It’s a small room. There is a single king bed with a small couch. Brendon sets the keys and his phone on the desk under the tv. Brendon’s suitcase is sitting open on the chair in the corner of the room. Ryan brought his bags to the room when he landed. Ryan drops his phone next to Brendon’s.

“Do you plan on showering tonight?” Brendon asks. Depending on how tired they are, they won’t shower until the next day.

“Yeah. Why?” 

“Was gonna see if you wanted to shower with me,” Brendon says shyly. Ryan smiles at his boyfriend.

“I couldn’t pass up that offer,” Ryan smiles back. He takes off his sweaty shirt, throwing it on the floor. Brendon does the same. They walk to the bathroom. Ryan starts the water, shedding the rest of his clothes, Brendon doing the same. They get in, the hot water rushing over their sore bodies. They slowly wash their bodies, not wanting to step away from hot water. All too soon, Ryan shuts off the water. They dry themselves off, then walking to the bed and climbing under the warm covers. 

“I love you so much,” Brendon whispers. He can feel sleep dragging him under. 

“I love you too,” Ryan says back. Brendon spoons Ryan. Ryan used to hate cuddling with Brendon, now he loves it. Both boys fall into sleep, their bodies relaxing. 

<><><><>

Brendon slowly opens his eyes to a bright, sun filled room. He sees Ryan standing by the desk, head bent over his phone. 

“Hey,” Brendon says in a rough voice. Ryan looks up from his phone. 

“Hey. I was just getting ready to get us lunch. What do you want?” Ryan says. Brendon sits all the way up. 

“I don’t care. A burger sounds kinda nice. Can I just go with you?” Brendon asks. Ryan laughs lightly.

“Hurry and get ready,” Ryan says. Brendon rolls out of bed, cool air hitting his naked body. He rummages in his suitcase, finding a pair of clean black jeans and a dark red t shirt. He slips his shoes on, and grabs his phone. Together they walk out the door. When they reach the lobby they see a herd of fans waiting for them. They are only held at bay by the hotel security. 

“So is Ryden confirmed? Any comments on the video? What about Sarah? Will you sign my poster? Why choose Cape Town to admit you’re dating?” The fans shout more or less at once. Ryan gives Brendon a knowing look. 

“We aren’t answering anything right now,” Brendon says, grabbing Ryan’s hand and pulling him the to back exit. 

“I’m surprised at you, Mr. Urie. So professional,” Ryan laughs as he unlocks the car and climbs in. Brendon walks around and climbs in. They start the drive to the nearest McDonald’s.

“I try.”

“It worked this time.”

“This time. I have a big mouth and everyone knows it.”

“No shit. It’s not like you almost admitted we were dating way back when.”

“Be nice. I wasn’t trying to out us. I was just answering that lady’s question,” Brendon says, recalling his comment about how each band mate got their own bed. Ryan then said how they ended up sharing a bed anyways. Brendon quickly changed his response to how each band mate got their own bedroom. “And you were the one who muttered about how we shared a bed.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know. I guess I have a big mouth too.”

“Maybe just a little. But I know what a big mouth is really good at,” Brendon smirks. Ryan looks at him with round eyes. 

“And what’s that?” Ryan asks, turning his focus back to the road. He knows what Brendon is going to say. 

“Sucking people off,” Brendon says nonchalantly, moving a hand to Ryan’s thigh. He surpresses a shiver. Brendon wants this to go a certain way, and Ryan is more than willing to follow.

“Mmmm. Then you should be real good at it,” Ryan says, desire edging at his voice. He can feel himself start to get hard at the thought of Brendon sucking him off. Ryan pulls into the drive through lane. 

“What might I get for you today?” A chipper sounding teen says. 

“I’ll get two Big Mac meals, large,” Ryan says. He tries to ignore Brendon’s handing slowly working its way so it’s palming Ryan’s crotch.

“Is that all?” The teen voice asks. Brendon squeezes his dick lightly. 

“Um...yeah.”

“12.72 is your total,” the voice says. Ryan pulls up to the window. Brendon lowers his hand to Ryan’s knee. At this point Ryan’s boner is visible through his pants.

“Thanks asshole,” Ryan mutters to Brendon as the teen reaches his hand out, waiting for Ryan to hand him the money. He hands him a $20 bill. He gets the change shortly. Ryan pulls up to the next window. A man hands him their bag of food, giving the two boys a second glance. Ryan speeds off back to the hotel. “What the fuck? Brendon! I can’t believe you gave me a fucking boner!” Ryan screeches. 

“What else was I supposed to do?” Brendon asks innocently. He bats his eyelashes at Ryan. He groans.

“Keep your hands to yourself?” Ryan suggests. He’s messing with Brendon at this point. He will never admit it to Brendon, but he liked having a boner in a semi-public area. 

“But I don’t want too,” Brendon protests, moving his hand back to palm ryan through his pants. He gently starts to massage Ryan’s dick. He moans, encouraging Brendon to keep going, but he needs more than what he’s getting .

“Bren that’s-I need more,” Ryan moans. Brendon ignores Ryan as he pulls into the back parking lot of the hotel. Brendon lets go only so he can grab the bag of food. They boys slip out of the car, making their way to the front of the hotel. The group of fans that was there left, leaving the lobby empty, which means no one will see Ryan’s boner. He can feel a warmth in his lower belly, but it doesn’t grow or decrease. Brendon walks to the bar instead of the elevator. “Brendon,” Ryan hisses. The younger man ignores him, pulling out his phone and sending a quick text before pocketing his phone. 

“Nicole said she’d join us for a quick drink,” Brendon says calmly, not seeming to care that Ryan has a boner. 

“It’s hardly even noon,” Ryan protests, looking at his watch. Brendon shrugs, setting the bag on the bar and pulling out his sandwich. Ryan sits at a bar stool, pulling out his sandwich. He tries to focus on eating but he can’t.

“Hey!” Nicole says. She smiles at the boys, sitting next to Ryan. Fuck.

“Hey,” Ryan mutters.

“You alright?”

“Not really,” Ryan admits. Brendon looks over at his boyfriend, smirking. Nicole glances at him, then back to Ryan. “Brendon thought it’d be a good idea to get me hard in the car,” Ryan says quietly. 

“Damn,” Nicole says. She glances down to confirm what he said. Ryan finishes his sandwich. “Go, I’ll hold him off,” Nicole laughs, as Ryan runs to the elevator. A minute later he’s in his room, shoving his pants down. He sits on the back of the bed, pumping his dick hard. He can feel his orgasm building. Fuck. He squeezes the head of his dick, his orgasm shooting out of him. He closes his eyes and leans against the headboard. The door to their room opens then closes. The bed dips at the bottom.

“Ryan?” Brendon asks, worry tinting his voice. He crawls up to hold his boyfriend. Ryan leans into his touch. 

“Hmm?”

“Are you okay?”

“Now I am. I’m all for what you did in the car, but please don’t hold it off like that. It’s fucking embarrassing being that hard in public,” Ryan admits, opening his eyes. His pants are at his ankles. He rests his elbow on his bent knee. 

“I’m sorry,” Brendon says softly. He feels awful. 

“Don’t be sorry for something you didn’t know,” Ryan says, facing the younger boy.

“I shouldn’t have-“

“I liked it. I liked being hard in public, it was hot and turned me on even more. I should have told you that I needed you to finish,” Ryan says smiling a bit. Brendon rests his head on Ryan’s.

“Next time I’ll finish you,” Brendon says softly. He kisses the top of Ryan’s head, his left hand grabbing Ryan’s dick. He slowly pumps his hand up and down. The older boy moans. Brendon continues his movement, twisting his wrist on his way up, slowly getting faster. Ryan can feel his second orgasm building in his lower belly. Brendon moves away, only to settle between Ryan’s legs. Brendon takes Ryan all the way in his mouth, his head hitting the back of his throat. Ryan has never been sucked off before, but it feels hella good. He blows his load into Brendon’s mouth after only a minute or so. They both moan. Brendon leans back, taking in the sight of Ryan. His hair is messy, eyes black with desire. He has come all over his shirt, pants at his feet.

“Thank you,” Ryan says as he pulls off his dirty shirt. 

“I should have done that in the car,” Brendon says smirking at the idea of blowing Ryan in the car. The younger boy crawls back to hold Ryan. 

“Should’ve,” Ryan murmurs. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. Just, next time don’t make me quite as hard.”

“We always used to do that to each other. I just assumed it was the same as before.”

“It is. But B, you’ve never made me that hard before without actually touching my dick,” Ryan admits. He looks into Brendon’s eyes, earning a small smile from him. 

“Then you were already horny,” Brendon says.

“I mean...yeah kinda,” Ryan admits shyly. 

“Don’t be embarrassed...I felt the same way,” Brendon says blushing. It’s so damn long since they’ve felt each other. 

“I figured.”

“Yeah. Hey, we need to talk,” Brendon says. Ryan gets nervous.

“About what?”

“About what’s next. Like what comes after this? Are you going back to Seattle? Or are you going to live in LA and join Panic! officially?”

“Why would I go back to Seattle?”

“Because that’s where your life is. Your music is there.”

“I’m not going back. I’m staying with you Brendon. I’ll have to move my stuff, but I’m not going back,” Ryan says. He doesn’t ever want to leave Brendon again. 

“Thank god,” Brendon whispers. He’s scared that he’ll loose Ryan again. 

“I promise I’ll never leave again,” Ryan promises. He kicks of his pants, and pulls up the blankets over their bodies. 

“I love you Ryan Ross.”

“I love you Brendon Urie. Forever.”


End file.
